victim of my own success?
This topic has been weighing heavy on my heart.... and this morning I finally reached a breaking point and broke down crying. I feel like so many other women(and men for that matter) can relate. Here it is April of 2012. There is Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instragram, blogs, emails, texts.... must I go on.... All of them are great resources and tools..... but all of them can also create one more point of distraction.
Balance is something I struggle with. I have talked about it on here in the past.... but here lately my heart is heavy because since adding another kiddo to the mix I have yet to figure out a schedule.
I have a really hard time disconnecting. I see puffy clouds and think dang that would be gorgeous to photograph(yes weird I know). I am running in the park with my Son and think I wonder if I got a reply to that email. I am surfing the internet to buy and think how could that business model work for Fisheye
, for goodness sake I could go on and on. Is it a blessing or is it a curse? And I think it can be both.
In our society as women we are suppose to be the nurturing ones and are husbands are suppose to be the providers right? So here I am a Mom that also like to provide(by my choice alone), I like running companies, I like responsibility, I like having professional goals, I like photographs, but I also love being a Mom. Here is the big problem my companies I am passionate about... I love and could work all day and be happy doing that. They are part of me and make up Kristy Dickerson.
I envy the women that can be stay at home Moms and not work. But I think even stay at home Moms can struggle with the distractions. Seriously some days I have moments where I wish I could go back to square one with Roman and focus 90% of my time and energy to him without all the distractions. Some days I want to take my iPad, Iphone and put it in a vase of sand and walk away.... and not think about it again. Somedays I doubt myself on being a good mother, or being a loving and supportive wife, and being who I should be to everyone else.
Am I a victim of my own success? Do my kids understand why Mommy has to answer this email? It magnifies it times 100 because I can do 80% of what I do can be done from home if I wanted or even my iphone. If I went to a my "job" and was there from 9 to 5 and walked away would it be better?
Last year I had a wake up call when I lost my aunt in her 30s. Life is short and if I had one year to live how would I dedicate my time? When asking myself that I know some things needs to be changed. My work is part of me, my kids mean everything to me, and my husband is more of a rock for me than he realizes. I have got to have boundaries, clear expectations for my business and personal life. I will be setting clear times of when to work, when to answer emails, and when to be "home".
My sons is 3 months old. 3 months old people and will be 4 months next weekend! Sorry to get all sappy on this post. I know what needs to be done.
And for this morning this is how I work... Holding on to every second while he breaths and typing away to be productive. This picture alone sums up my dilemma.
I know this will be a constant battle for me but I am ready to fight the fight.